WFL Weekly 5 - Week 9: The Sunday(& Monday) Scaries

                   

Let me tell you a story about the fight to survive. Some fights were over quickly; The Waller came crumbling down due to corrosion from Kraft’s YAC & Cheese. Rome saw its opponents gameplan Cumming… from a mile away and took care of business. A single Brother who Bangs was no match for a Youtuber from the Hall of Fame. But for 6 others, their fight was full of twists and turns, ups and downs, pain and joy. This is their story.

                   

yakub’s team members began to shake hands and celebrate yet another victory. Andy was pleased with himself, his victory was all but assured. "As good as Jonathan Taylor and Daniel Jones have been this season, surely their production is limited by playing a team as bad as the Titans." He poured himself a drink, sat on the couch in his office and slowly dozed off to sleep…

                   

Elsewhere, in the Wake and Baker Co. & Marvin’s Room Headquarters, both GMs were anxiously awaiting their fate. DK Metcalf was like a bull in a China shop, impossible to bring down, as he continued his assault on the Wake and Baker Co. complex. Marvin’s Room was quite happy with their outcome on Sunday, but still held an uneasy feeling that their lead was anything but safe. For the man on the other side had control of one of the most powerful forces in all of the WFL realm.

                   

*BANG* He awoke with a fright. Without knowing how long he’d been sleeping, it took him a while to adjust to his surroundings. When he was able to see straight, something felt off. Andy checked his phone: 23 missed calls, 67 missed texts. All he could read was the preview of the first text "WE NEED BACK UP TAYLOR IS-" before his battery ran out. Confused, he looked around the office. It was quiet. Too quiet. All of a sudden the lights in yakub's HQ flickered on and off. Barely a soul remained. As Andy emerged from his office and entered a common area on the floor, a scoreboard buzzed to life. It showed only a 14.5 point lead. What happened here? As Andy turned to view the cubicles in HQ, he noticed what at first seemed like a random assortment of stains of crimson red splattered on the walls. But upon further inspection, an optical illusion revealed itself to me more than that. "Jonathan Taylor will pass judgement" was the message Andy was startled to read. All of a sudden a figure began to sprint and leap through the office corridors. Andy recognized it to be the speedy Xavier Worthy, the last player remaining for either team that weekend, and Worthy looked like he was out for blood. Sprinting through the halls, Worthy chased after Andy, gaining on him with each step. But just when he could hear the Worthy beast breathing down his neck, he slid into a secret vent that was only there for emergencies; this certainly qualified. Despite Worthy moving past the vent multiple times, he never could quite catch on the location of yakub’s fearless leader. And once again, the Andy gets away.

                   

Meanwhile, in Marvin’s Room things were eerily quiet. The Deebo Defense System was operating at a subpar level, and the Kansas City Killer was running wild. Mahomes tore through each and every barrier in his path, inching closer and closer to the heart of Jack’s HQ. Gate after gate closed as the seconds ticked away. The Mahomes Machine busted through them all, seemingly unbothered as his mission was clear: eliminate Marvin’s Room from competition. Jack anxiously looked at the clock.

                   
*tick* *tick* *tick*
                   

Closer and closer was the impending doom he had not seen for quite some time, and within moments, there he was. The Mahomes Machine right outside the doors of Marvin's Room War Room. Out of the mecha monstrosity stepped Ale, who knew he was one snap of his fingers away from dealing a lethal blow. He had made a deal with the devil, and despite a heavy price to pay, it looked like judgement day would have to wait. Just as Ale reached to open the door, the alarm went off. In a panic he hopped back into the Mahomes Machine, and desperately lunged towards the door, victory was mere feet away. But just as the monstrous mech burst through the glass, solid titanium walls slammed down to the ground, splitting the mech in half and leaving Ale on the outside, having survived by mere inches. On the other side of the wall the same sentiment was shared. Marvin’s Room was mere inches away from falling, but their season isn’t quite over yet.

                   

And yet our story doesn’t end there. One of the most storied organizations, Wake and Baker Co. was under siege. The Rico Suave tidal wave was more than close to swallowing up Jonah’s pride and joy as just another box to check on their mad dash of a revenge tour. The Bo Nix Barrage had led Johnny deep into enemy territory. Wearing a gas mask to combat the defensive smoke measures deployed by Wake and Baker Co., Johnny and his strongest warrior, a genetic freak by the name of DK Metcalf, bulled their way through an absolute battlefield. The last of Jonah’s defense options were absolute outclassed by such a formidable opponent. Going into the battle with a depleted roster of soldiers, this outcome was not surprising, but to come so close to victory was agonizing if his defense could not hold. An empty deployment unit where super soldier Drake London should be, left a panging emptiness. All he could do was helplessly look on as DK Metcalf tore through the last of his defenses. And finally, Johnny and DK were in the control room of Wake and Baker Co., surprisingly devoid of its commander. With no hesitation, DK destroyed the main computer, ending the battle and using the last of his strength to assure victory to Johnny… But just as they turned to leave, the main monitor flickered. Two words appeared on the screen, and as they did Johnny’s heart sank. Maniacal laughter filled the room as Jonah’s voice rang out over the loud speaker:

                   

"You came oh so close"

                   

To Johnny’s horror, a figure appeared in front of them. Small in stature, but mighty still, the figure stepped into the light to reveal none other than Jeremy McNichols, strapped to the teeth with firearms.

                   

"Time to say goodbye"

                   

Gunshots echoed out one after the other, each finding their mark, until they came to stop. And only one man was left standing. And the rest is history.

                   

Without further ado, let’s rock n roll.

                   

Biggest Winner:

                   

yakub (Andy) - The team with nine 9 lives has done it again. On this week’s episode of the Andy fantasy football roller coaster, yakub pulled out yet another close victory, this time over a strong Worse than WHL team. It was an Eagles party for Andy’s squad, as Jalen Hurts lit it up, and Saquon got more than back on track with 33 points from both players. Ja'Marr Chase did Ja'Marr Chase things, Javonte Williams had a good day, and the rest of yakub’s supporting cast scraped together enough points to get the job done. Despite the struggles with injuries early on, Andy’s squad has steadied the ship and seemingly gotten back to top form just as a tough stretch of games for him ends. With matchups against a banged up Hall of Fame Youtuber and a hapless Bang Bros team up next, we could see yakub at 8-2 going into Week 11, likely guaranteeing a playoff spot at the very least.

                   

We spoke to the Commissioner about his team’s successful campaign thus far, and he told us "My team is feeling good right now, after all the injuries we knew it was all hands on deck and now it’s time to really make sure we’re all together for this final stretch. I made sure to establish a culture early on that we are water and we must move like water. If one of us break we will all break." We also asked him if he felt like his team had what it takes at this point to wear the label of 'top contender', and he was confident in his answer, telling us "I believe we can carry that label. We worked all off season for this and I think we really have a shot. I’m also always looking to improve and will never be comfortable with good when it comes to this team."

                   

Other Winners:

                   

Wake and Baker Co. (Jonah) - The ole bait and switch. In one of the biggest plot twists in recent WFL History, Wake and Baker Co. had the whole league fooled for all of football Sunday. A roster hammered by injuries and bye weeks, Jonah didn’t even have a second flex player to start and it looked to be his demise when DK Metcalf’s valiant effort put Rico Suave ahead by the slimmest of margins as SNF ended. Or so we thought. If there’s anyone who would know that just one win can make the difference between a playoff berth and missing out, it would be Jonah. And likely with that in mind, he threw caution to the wind. Out went Chris Godwin. In went Jeremy McNichols. And the rest is history. Wake and Baker moves to 5-3, and got Chris Godwin back two days later (seriously how did that happen).

                   

Marvin's Room (Jack) - "We live to fight another day". Those were the words spoken by Jack after the narrowest of victories against the previously 1st place I ❤️ Ohio, and that definitely describes the matchup well. Do not get us wrong, this game was UGLY. The lowest scoring total matchup of the week, both teams were hit by injuries and bye weeks pretty hard, making this a test of will if nothing else. And in the end, backed by a resurgent Derrick Henry, a solid performance by Jaxon Dart stepping in for an injured Jayden Daniels, Dallas Goedert catching two touchdowns, and not much else, Marvin's Room scraped an clawed their way to 3-5 with a 0.36 margin of victory. Up next is a true battle of teams attempting to stay alive, as Jack will take on Johnny’s Rico Suave in what should be a dramatic matchup if nothing else.

                   

Biggest Loser:

                   

I ❤️ Ohio (Alejandro) - It feels strange to see I ❤️ Ohio in this spot. And unfortunately for Ale it goes deeper than just a close loss last week. The fact of the matter is a Running Back position that what was once the team’s greatest strength, is now its biggest weakness. The pressure is on Kyren Williams to produce big numbers, and on Ale to find a replacement until Omarion Hampton returns from injury. How this teams responds to losing one of its locker room leaders in Cam Skattebo will be worth monitoring very closely as it enters a potentially very challenging end of season schedule.

                   

We spoke with Ale about the fallout and the future of I ❤️ Ohio, and he told us "Absolutely. The loss this past Sunday was a gut-punch to our staff, particularly of the margin of error. Anything could’ve happened. 1 catch, 4 yards, 1 more completion, could’ve made the difference. At the end of the day, if we can make a trade, find a waiver wire add, GG hard enough, we’ll find a way to make it happen. Keep our heads up, we are tied for a top record for a reason, and the same PAgainst leftist apologists have no rings. Get your RingsFor stat up."

                   

"TRUUUUUEEEEEEEE"

                   

Ale might have also lost something even greater, as his conspiring against both Jack & Jonah have reportedly put a strain on his relations with the Jewish community. More updates expected soon.

                   

Other Losers:

                   

Rico Suave (Johnny) - It was all looking so good for Rico Suave. A tough week but valiant comeback on Sunday Night Football saw star DK Metcalf put Johnny’s squad just over the top of a depleted Wake and Baker Co. Forget about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, Johnny had reached the end of that tunnel and was in the clear; he saw his name in lights and could envision the '4-4' next to Rico Suave so clearly… And then a Jeremy McNichols-sized boulder came hurtling out of the sky to crush his hopes and dreams like a bug. To call this a deflating and heartbreaking loss would be an understatement, as Johnny was this close to a little breathing room. Now he can ill afford to go on another losing streak, and finds himself in a dogfight with a hungry Marvin's Room that shares a vision of a playoff run.

                   

Worse than WHL (Jeremias) - Every year there’s a team that looks the part of a championship-caliber squad, only to lose by slim margins, have untimely injuries, and then make a quick playoff exit. Unless fortunes reverse themselves, that just might be this Worse than WHL team. Jeremias saw yet another game fall in the L column, as the injury bug has hit his vaunted RB room. Quinshon Judkins & Rhamondre Stevenson both got banged up and finished with a combined 10.6 points. Christian McCaffrey finished with easily a season-low 9.8, and even the God that is Jonathan Taylor and his 37.4 points could not save this team from a loss. As much as he’d like you to believe the opposite, Jere should be able to deal with Cumming… relatively easily, before entering a gauntlet of a end of season schedule that will tell us all about what kind of team this really is.

                   

Donuts! (Sponsored by Tough Cookie Inc.):

                   

In this spooky edition of the Donut Section, we would like to showcase our newest Halloween themed donut that we’ll be giving to each customer this week. Introducing our 'shlime & ooze' filled donut! We worked with WFL GM Daniel on perfecting the perfect recipe for this ghoulish treat, as his HQ shipped us over gallons of a green slime colored filling that was perfect for our Halloween themed treat. What are the health facts you ask? Who knows! All we know is Daniel and Cumming… gave us their guarantee it will hit the spot!

                   

                       
• 🍩 Justice Hill (I ❤️ Ohio) - Speaking of spooky, Justice Hill’s donut this week was a train-wreck that had Ale avoided, he would be sitting at 7-1 this week. His lowest scoring effort since Week 1, Hill seemingly may have lost his job to Keaton Mitchell, and Ale has no one to blame but himself. Don’t worry chum, we’ll fill up your donut with an extra dose of Daniel’s special stuff.
                       
• 🍩 Jake Ferguson (Build The Waller) - Wait… This has to be a typo right? It says here that Jake Ferguson is on this list. He’s supposed to be on here? Well I guess so. Uhh yeah an uncharacteristic week from the TE1 was certainly not what Eric had in mind in a week where outside of the Dallas Cowboys, he was doing pretty damn good. But donuts spare no man, so here ya go pal.
                       
• 🍩 Jerry Jeudy (Hall of Fame YouTuber) - Jerry Jeudy has hit rock bottom. A key cog on The Kingsmen’s run to the WFL Championship just last year, the wheels have popped, torn apart, and completely fallen off for Mr. Jeudy as his fate lies in the hands of Dillon Gabriel. Not an ideal situation to begin with, but there has been absolutely zero chemistry between the two. What did you call him? He didn’t quite catch that.
                       
• 🍩 Quentin Johnston (Rico Suave) - Has the QJ honeymoon phase officially ended? Say it ain’t so QJ! The emergence of Ladd McConkey and slow shrinking of Johnston’s role is revealing perhaps an ugly truth… Justin Herbert might be racist. Nah just kidding, but this flip in production has to be concerning for all QJ investors, Johnny included. Perhaps the only way he can reach his true potential is on Jonah’s team where he can finish the story. Just food for thought.
                   

                   

Ale’s Trade to Trade Analysis:

                   

*Powered by WussiesGPT*

                   

No trades this week might be the scariest outcome of them all 😱

                   

THE WFL HIERARCHY

                   

*Proudly sponsored by Tough Cookie Inc. & written by Drew*

                   

The WFL Hierarchy - Week 9

                   

The WFL Hierarchy is proud to be sponsored by Tough Cookie Inc.’s NEW Crack, Don’t Crumble Series! Don’t forget to check-in every week, we’ll be rolling out new items throughout the season.

                   

Featured Cookie of the Week: Rico Suave’s Skellington Snickerdoodle

                   

OH NO! Looks like those Fantasy Football Phantoms were quite mischievous this week, the WFL Hierarchy is all sorts of messed up. They’ve turned it into a… tier list?

                   

The Scary Tier

• Rome wasn’t built in a day (Parker)
• yakub (Andy)

                   

Our fantasy phantoms are running in fright from these teams! Perhaps two of the scariest matchups in any given week, Parker returns to near full strength with Pumpkin Puka transforming back into a Jack-o-Targets and Andy has Frankensteined a new team to ease his early-season injury woe’s. Perhaps our spooky spirits know something we don’t, putting the teams whose records do not reflect their true strength at the top. And both solidified their rosters after blockbuster trades with the former Sleepy Commish… karmic retribution for his role in the Draft Pick Disaster?

                   

The Spooky Tier

• Wake and Baker Co. (Jonah)
• Worse than WHL (Jeremias)
• Kraft YAC & Cheese (Drew)

                   

While certainly not as scary as the first tier, our fantasy phantoms clearly put these teams here because they are SPOOKED by their lineups. Jonah continues to reap the benefits of other team’s afflictions, twisting and transforming player after player into viable fantasy options. The depth of Wake and Baker Co. continues to be unmatched and is a large part of his success thus far, which we don’t expect to change. Meanwhile, Drew and Jeremias have taken similar, but also different, approaches to their roster construction this year. Both have invested heavily into top talent at a singular position. Drew assembled some Wicked WRs in CeeDee Lamb, Rashee Rice, and AJB, while Jeremias has conjured up some Reanimated RBs in Christian McCaffrey, Jonathan Taylor, and Quinshon Judkins. Although it seems CMCs dark magic is starting to take a toll on other members of Worse than WHL, all these teams remains a spooky matchup for anyone in the WFL.

                   

The Ghoulish Tier

• Marvin’s Room (Jack)
• I ❤️ Ohio (Alejandro)
• Hall of Fame Youtuber (Fabian)
• Build the Waller (Eric)

                   

Our fantasy phantoms clearly related to these teams, perhaps seeing a reflection of themselves and placing all four in the Ghoulish tier. That probably has something to do with these teams being shells of their former selves, haunted by ghosts of fantasy past as they cling to what they have left. Each of these rosters has unfortunately suffered a fair deal of multi-week injuries this season. Alejandro lost Omarion Hampton and Cam Skattebo, Jack has been without Bucky Irving and Jayden Daniels for the better part of the season, Eric lost Joe Burrow, Tyreek Hill, Jayden Reed, and the Wallerus, and Fabian has now lost both Malik Nabers and Travis Hunter to knee injuries. There’s definitely enough left in the tank to make a playoff push as plenty of star players still claim these teams as their home, but we expect the rest of the season to feel more like a house of horrors than the cinderella story these managers were hoping for.

                   

The Mystery Tier

• Rico Suave (Johnny)
• The Bang Bros (Andres)

                   

We don’t really know what these teams are doing, and clearly neither do our fantasy phantoms, which is why these two teams ended up in the Mystery Tier. Trade2Trade Mad Scientist Johnny has spent all season trying to reinvent his team, but after 9 weeks, it seems this roster is only slightly better than what he started the season with. We like the recent acquisitions of Brock Bowers, Emeka Egbuka, and DK Metcalf so there might be a late-season turnaround on the horizon, but was all this a fool’s errand? And after a strong 2-2 start Andres has lost four straight. We really think his early season blowup set his team on an irreversible crash course with the toilet bowl. However, same as Johnny, The Bang Bros could see a late-season turnaround with known 4th round fantasy pick Treyveon Henderson finally getting an opportunity behind Rhamidre and good play from the Rashee Rice trade package. But despite the potential for a turnaround from these two teams, we expect the rest of the year to be more trick than treat.

                   

The Graveyard Tier

• Cumming…

                   

Our phantoms didn’t say a word about Daniel’s team. They just left us with this:

                                       

Papa’s Picks:

                   

WFL Weekly Game of the Week: Wake and Baker Co. (Jonah) vs. Rome wasn’t built in a day (Parker)

                   

This week’s WFL Weekly Game of the Week features two teams with deep playoff run aspirations. Both Jonah & Parker are in similar positions, with both sitting just under the league leaders and waiting to strike. But before they can start thinking about their dreams of a WFL Championship run, they will need to duke it out themselves first. Both teams are only a single player short of full strength, so there should be fireworks on this Halloween weekend. We caught up with both GMs to ask their thoughts on this potentially massively impactful tilt, and they both had a lot to say. The head man at Wake and Baker Co. told us "First of all, major credit to the team at Rico Suave for building a competing team when the odds were stacked against them. I have high hopes for that team. However, this past week should serve as a powerful reminder of a universal truth in fantasy football: it ain’t over, until it’s over.

                   

I’m honored to be a part of this week’s Hydrogen Bomb vs Hydrogen Bomb matchup with Parker. He’s been an excellent manager this year (hasn’t traded with jeremias) and it’s going to take some Wake and Baker magic to pull off a fourth straight win. With Puka back in the lineup, you never know when he’s going to pop off for 45 points. But we’re hopeful that management will continue to make the correct start/sit decisions (a la Walker/Charb) and give our team a good chance to win in a tough matchup."

                   

Parker followed up that thorough statement by telling us "Well thank you Mr Reid. I believe the key to my turnaround were definitely my trades the last 2 weeks, without them, I would have been screwed. Also, trusting my gut on certain players has certainly helped such as Rome Odunze. I do see more wins in the future. I will fight until the very end. I’m happy to see myself in another matchup for WFL Weekly Game of the Week. If I’m not mistaken, this is my 3rd appearance of the year and also believe that I’m 2-0 so far. I expect to put up a great fight against Jonah even without Scary Terry once again. I always love facing Jonah. He’s a great opponent and I wish him the best this week."

                   

Upset Watch of the Week: Hall of Fame Youtuber (Fabian) vs. yakub (Andy)

                   

Well Daniel gave it the good college try last week, but unfortunately between injuries and dealing with Drake Maye be a terrorist, he fell short. So this week we’ll move over to another Commissioner Andy & yakub. Having just gotten through a tough part of their schedule, Andy and his squad are likely salivating at what could very well turn into an 8-2 team soon enough. But NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND. Hall of Fame Youtuber is riding into this matchup on a 2 game win streak of their own and has quietly been a very good team in that span. Do not be surprised if Fab’s Rams stack, Josh Jacobs, and a resurgent Chase Brown & George Kittle put up big numbers as the inevitable force that is our Thanos refuses to go quietly into the night. Wrap your players in bubble wrap this week Andy.

                   

Predictions: (Last Week’s results: 3-3 😐 29-19 overall)

• #7 Build the Waller (Eric) vs. #11 The Bang Bros (Andres) ✅
• #6 Worse than WHL (Jere) ✅ vs. #12 Cumming… (Daniel)
• #9 Marvin’s Room (Jack) ✅ vs. #10 Rico Suave (Johnny)
• #8 Hall of Fame Youtuber (Fab) ✅ vs. #3 yakub (Andy)
• #1 KRAFT YAC & CHEESE (Drew) ✅ vs. #2 I ❤️ Ohio (Ale)
• #4 Wake and Baker Co. (Jonah) vs. #5 Rome wasn’t built in a day (Parker) ✅

                   

Divisional Standings(Divisional Record in parentheses)

                   

Cummish Division

                   

                       
• #1 KRAFT YAC & CHEESE (Drew): 6-2 (1-1)
                       
• #3 yakub (Andy): 6-2 (2-0)
                       
• #12 Cumming… (Daniel): 1-7 (0-2)
                   

                   

33176+ Division

                   

                       
• #4 Wake and Baker Co. (Jonah): 5-3 (1-1)
                       
• #9 Marvin's Room (Jack): 3-5 (1-1)
                       
• #11 The Bang Bros (Andres): 2-6 (1-1)
                   

                   

sybau Division

                   

                       
• #2 I ❤️ Ohio (Alejandro): 6-2 (2-0)
                       
• #7 Build The Waller (Eric): 4-4 (1-1)
                       
• #8 Hall of Fame Youtuber (Fabian): 4-4 (0-2)
                   

                   

Trade2Trade Division

                   

                       
• #5 Rome wasn’t built in a day (Parker): 4-4 (2-0)
                       
• #6 Worse than WHL (Jeremias): 4-4 (1-1)
                       
• #10 Rico Suave (Johnny): 3-5 (0-2)
                   

A big shoutout to our sponsors Tough Cookie Inc. and WussiesGPT for helping the Donut section & Trade to Trade be what they are today, and to Drew for his power rankings!

If you or someone you know would like to be a sponsor for WFL Weekly, let us know and we’ll give you some options on where you can showcase your brand, company, or organization!

Additionally, if you have your own ideas for columns, one offs, or weekly installments, speak to Chief Editor Jack Reid for more information!

The only good luck that we here at WFL Weekly wish you, is good luck with injuries. Everything else is up to the higher powers.

*Note from the Editor*: Big thank you to Andy & Drew on the WFL Weekly Website team, you guys rock.